10 Ways To Tell Him 4
by Sarah Gerber
Summary: Part 4 of 10 Ways. Crossover with The A-Team Bashir/O'Brien, Face/Murdock .


10 Ways to Tell Him

by Sarah Gerber

Rating: PG-13

10 Ways to Tell Him

Part 4

This story was inspired by Star Trek DS9's "Sound of Her Voice"

"You know ... how BA used to sort of do this half-laugh, half-giggle thing? I love 'em. Even though I'm always in some trouble when he did those."

"Murdock, you're doing it again. BA didn't *used to* do it. He *is* still doing it. When we get back, he will be right where he is supposed to be and he wouldn't even know we've been gone."

"Sorry Face. I'm just so used to the idea that I've lost everyone – BA, Hannibal ... you." There was a catchin Murdock's voice as he was reminded of the painful indistinguishable days and nights he spent thinking about Face. He thought about all of them, but it was Face that occupied most of his thoughts. It certainly hurt the most thinking about him but he also provided the most comfort on good days. The memories he had of his friends were what had kept him alive for those lonely three years. He had no hope, and nothing to keep him company except for the faces and voices in his head. Sometimes, he felt blessed that he had a good imagination.

"Murdock. *Murdock!* Say something. Are you alright?" The anxiety in Face's voice was apparent even over the static-filled com-line.

"Relax Face. Plenty of air left in the shuttlepod to last me 'til you get here," Murdock reassured. "Got a little lost in my thoughts. I've not had to worry about doing that for so long. No ugly mudsucka to get on my case you know."

Face smiled. He was glad he was bringing Murdock home, back to BA and Hannibal. At the same time, it broke his heart thinking about all the time he had spent alone in that godforsaken planet, trapped in a tiny shuttlepod and having no clue where he was and if he would ever be found.

*

It all started seven days earlier, or three years, depending on whose perspective it was. Face and Murdock were on a plane one moment, and on a space vessel from the future the very next. The 24th century Federation starship USS Defiant was thrown into a time warp by a black star and found herself in low orbit of Earth hundreds of years into the past. Before the crew of the cloaked vessel even had time to get their bearings straight, they detected Face and Murdock's plane heading straight for them. There was no time for them to do anything other than beam the two aboard. The plane was destroyed but at least its two occupants were saved. In order to preserve the timeline, Chief Engineer Miles O'Brien and Science Officer Jadzia Dax had proposed to recreate the conditions of the time warp with a slingshot effect around the sun. It wasn't a sure-fire method but it had worked before for Captain James T. Kirk's Enterprise. It was agreed that as time on the Defiant moved forward, Face and Murdock would be beamed back to earth at just the moment before Defiant had originally shown up, so that they wouldn't remember anything.

Just like many of Hannibal's plans, things did not quite go as smoothly as anticipated. The damaged Defiant needed a little push from a shuttlepod to achieve the momentum required for the slingshot effect. Two persons were needed for the shuttlepod, one to pilot it, the other to perform calculations to adjust for the gravimetric and energy deviance between the Defiant and the shuttlepod. With the crew of the Defiant severely depleted, Murdock ended up volunteering to pilot the shuttlepod, the less complex vessel of the two.

After receiving some basic piloting instructions, Murdock left for the shuttlepod with O'Brien, leaving behind Face, Jadzia and the ship's doctor Julian Bashir. With a transporter aboard the shuttlepod, the original plan to transport both Face and Murdock back to earth at the right moment could still be implemented.

As usual, things went wrong. The Defiant successfully slingshot its way forward to the right time, in Earth's orbit, while the shuttlepod turned up twenty light years away and crash-landed on a K-class planet, three years short of the targeted time. Neither could transport during the time warp.

So for three years, on an uninhabitable planet, Murdock waited alone. Chief O'Brien, who could have repaired the shuttlepod, was heavily injured and did not survive past the first few days. Even after Murdock got the subspace emitter working again, no ships were picking up his distress call because of the heavy radiation within the K-Class system. When the Defiant finally reappeared three years later, Dax and Bashir were able to calculate the shuttlepod's estimated location, and with the help of Murdock's weak signals, pinpoint his exact coordinates. It was fortunate that the Defiant was now on its way, for the shuttlepod was running out of power and environmental controls were going offline in a matter of weeks.

At first Face could only listen in anguish to Murdock's recorded distress call over and over again, before Dax finally devised a way to break through the radiation and establish two-way communications.

On the way to the planet, Bashir and Dax discussed various ways to get Face and Murdock home. It was finally decided the Bajoran Orb of Time was their only solution. They would have to be returned to the moment right after their other selves were taken away in the Defiant, so that they could take their place. That meant they were going to retain all their memories which could affect the timeline, but it was better than not returning them altogether.

*

Face was proud that Murdock had hung on despite everything. He wasn't sure at first that he would be as brave but on second thought he knew he would. The possibility of seeing Murdock again, however infinitesimally small it was, would have kept him going. He wondered what kept Murdock going. Was it BA? It did seem that Murdock could not stop talking about BA. Face pushed the idea out of his head and focused again on the conversation.

"On the contrary, I'm sure the 'ugly mucksucka' wouldn't mind you getting lost in your head, if it meant you'd keep your mouth shut for a second."

"That's right. I guess I was confused. *You're* the one who can't get enough of my smoldering, sensuous voice."

Face had to laugh. He loved Murdock's voice, the warmth in it and the innocence it injected into whatever he was saying, but even he wouldn't quite describe it as "smoldering". " 'Sensuous' maybe," Face smiled as he idly let his thoughts run wild. "Depends on what you're doing to me."

God knew he had missed that voice though, even if Murdock had only been gone for a week from his perspective. Not knowing if he was dead or alive, or in pain, it was the longest week Face ever had to endure.

"Murdock, I'm hurt. You had me confused with BA?"

"Now Face, sweetheart. Honey. You know you're my favorite. My mind just ain't working like it used to."

"Right," Face said skeptically. "Now that you have another three years on me, you're just going to play that 'old' card all the time aren't you?"

Murdock could do this with Face forever. It was rather ironic to him that in the many years he had known Face, they had never talked over the phone. *Really* talked. He had always wanted to do that. Not with just anyone. Only Face. He would feel silly admitting it, but he always thought it would be romantic. To have Face all to himself, the rest of the world asleep. He, in his darkened room at the VA, and Face, some place really nice, just talking. It didn't sound like much, but it would be special for him, he was sure of that. And he was right too. This was special. Murdock still found it hard to believe that Face was here. The same Face he thought he had lost three years ago.

"Face, I'm glad we finally got round to doing this. I always knew you'd call."

Murdock's tone was light and playful but Face could detect a hint of wistfulness in those words.

"Murdock, if you like talking with me on the phone so much, we'll do it every night when we get back. Now, who can't get enough of whose voice again?"

"You promise, Facey-guy?"

"I promise."

To Face, Murdock sounded as child-like as ever. He felt like an awful man for feeling it, but he was relieved. He didn't want Murdock to have changed. He wanted his old Murdock back. He didn't know if he could deal with having to do it all over again, to go back to Vietnam. Murdock was a mess then, and even now, Face had no idea how they got through it. He wouldn't know what to do now to help if Murdock was hurting. Would he? This train of thought made Face angry. "Why Murdock? Hasn't he been through enough?" He would have gladly taken his friend's place on the planet.

"You know what else I'm going to do when we get back?"

"Uh … gee, this is hard. Let me guess, fly?"

"How did'ya guess?" Murdock grinned.

"You're very predictable, Murdock. And you said I could never be you, that you were too complicated? Ha."

Murdock remembered that one. It was one of those memories that always managed to cozy up the cold shuttlepod for him. It was probably selfish of him, Murdock thought, but the day Face came back to the A-Team, the day they were a family again, it was one of Murdock's happiest days. Then he thought about Chief O'Brien, his companion the first few days after the shuttlepod was "landed with extreme prejudice". He could hear his distinctive Irish accent in his head now.

" 'Uncomplicated.' That was what Julian always said. Me! *Uncomplicated!* That smug, pompous know-it-all." He would go on for a bit, but the tirade always ended the same way. With a drop in his voice that conveyed so much affection and sorrow at the same time, he would say, "But I love him. Don't ever tell him, but I love that dope."

Murdock loved listening to the chief. He would listen to him as he went on for hours about Julian. Sometimes he talked about his family, about Deep Space Nine, about engineering, but he always went back to Julian. It was mostly about how much the doctor annoyed him, but Murdock knew better. Julian reminded him a lot of Face – arrogant, smart, funny ... pretty ... self-absorbed on the surface, but kind and giving if you knew him. He wondered all the time if the chief felt the same way about Julian he felt about Face. Sometimes he was sure he did, sometimes he thought he might be projecting his own feelings. He supposed it would be wrong since the chief had a wife and all. Maybe that was why Murdock never asked him. Maybe he could tell the chief did not want him to ask.

"How's Doctor Bashir doing?"

Face sighed. Bashir was completely devastated by Chief O'Brien's death. "Not too well, I'm afraid. He's not talking to anyone."

In the week Face had been on the Defiant, he had come to know Julian well. It was the fact that they both thought they had lost their best friends that first brought them together, but over numerous bottles of Romulan ale and Synthale, they soon found themselves pouring their hearts out to each other. It helped that they hadn't known each other for long. Sometimes it felt easier to confide in strangers.

*

"I can just picture it now, Captain Sisko's reaction if I told him I was in love with Miles," Julian would say sardonically in his perfect English accent.

"Tell me about it. I've never told anyone either," Face commiserated. "Don't get me wrong. I'm sure my friends would understand and I'm not going to lose them over it, but ... but I just can't work up the nerves to say it out loud."

Taking a break from gazing into his glass of Synthale, Bashir turned to look at Face seriously. "Why can't you?"

Not for the first time, Bashir's soft brown eyes reminded Face of Murdock's.

"Why can't I?" Face contemplated this for a moment. It was a simple question but Face had avoided it for the longest time without even realizing he was doing it. "I guess, once I said it out loud, I could never take it back. I could never go back."

Bashir nodded silently and took another swig from his glass. He understood.

"But would it really be *so bad*, Face?"

*

Face sighed. He wished there could be a happy ending for both Julian and himself. It was hard for him to think about Julian. In a way, he knew how he must be feeling now. It could so easily have been Murdock instead of Miles. Then it would have been him stuck with the secret, the only person worth telling it to gone. Face realized then that he wasn't going to wait any longer. He had been given another chance, which might well be his final one, and he wasn't going to waste it.

"Face?"

"Yeah. I was just thinking about Julian. I'm worried about him."

"You know, the chief spoke a lot about him. You think it would help if I talked to him?" Murdock had no clue what the right thing to say to Julian would be. In his heart, he knew he meant more to the chief than just a friend, but was he ready to hear it? What if he was wrong? Wouldn't he mess things up then?

"Of course. I think it would be good." Face only had half his mind on the conversation by now. He felt light-headed as he contemplated telling Murdock the truth about his feelings for him. "Is this it? Is it really going to happen now?" He was real close to telling Murdock so many times but always got cold feet and backed out in the last second. This could be yet another one of those times. He wondered if it wouldn't be better if he did this face-to-face, maybe over a nice, romantic dinner. His tiny quarters on the Defiant wasn't exactly what he would call atmospheric, but it *was* cozy. The thought had Face suddenly yearning to have Murdock with him in his quarters right there and then.

No, as nice as a romantic dinner would be, Face could not wait any longer. Something was pushing him to do it, and he could not, nor wanted to ignore it.

"Murdock, there's something I want you to know," Face paused to make sure he had his full attention. "It might be a bit of a shock to you, but I want you to remember to keep breathing. Alright?"

"It's not anything bad is it?"

Face almost laughed at the trepidation in Murdock's tiny voice. "I'm the one getting butterflies here, Murdock," he thought.

"Uh ... depends on your point of view."

"I'm listening."

"It's really quite simple." Face drew in a deep breath, as though it was his last. "See, I love you, Murdock."

There was no ambiguity in Face's declaration. Murdock understood very well the significance of his words. If there ever were a perfect moment, that was it for Murdock. "I love Facey, and Facey loves me back." So simple and yet it felt to Murdock the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Murdock smiled. Deep Thought was an idiot.

After holding his breath for what seemed like an eternity, Face finally heard it. "I love you too, Facey-guy." And for the first time to Face, everything was right with this world.

Just then, the communication device in Face's quarters chirped. "Bashir to Peck."

"Uh ... I'm here." Face was still a little dazed after his exchange with Murdock, but in a good way.

"We're there. The Defiant is in orbit now."

"Did you hear that Murdock? We're here! Can you see us?" Face could barely contain his excitement.

"No. No Face, I can't see anything yet. But you know what, I can feel it. I know you're here." Murdock's joy was apparent in his voice. "Finally. You guys sure took your time."

"You better come down to the bridge, Face." Bashir gently cut short their celebration.

Face thought Bashir sounded off, a little too grim. He reckoned it was the effect of being so close to the planet Miles spent his last days on.

"I'm going to have to go now, Murdock. But I'm going to see you *very* soon. Alright?"

"Ok Facey." After a beat, Murdock added, "I love you." He liked saying that. He could get used to this, being with Face.

Face smiled. "And I love you."

*

Face could tell something was wrong the moment he stepped onto the bridge. The solemn faces did not exactly convey good news.

"Face, we're not detecting any life-signs," Bashir said.

"What? There must be something wrong with your equipment. I mean, I was just talking to Murdock!" As sure as Face was that Murdock was alive, he was beginning to panic.

"An exogenic field generated by the planet's unstable elements has formed a time-shift barrier around it.

"In English please. Ju ... just tell me where's Murdock." Face wanted to yell at Bashir but he knew that wasn't going to help things.

"He's dead, Face." As a doctor, Bashir was used to delivering bad news, but this was breaking his heart. "He has been for almost a year. The energy barrier causes a time-shift anomaly. When his subspace radio signal passes through the metreon radiation, it was shifted forward one year into the future. When we sent our signal back, it went through the barrier and traveled back in time the same way." Bashir felt ludicrous prattling on about stupid energy barriers at a time like this but he did not know what choice he had. His friend needed to know what happened.

Face did not want to believe it, but he knew in his heart everything Bashir was telling him was true. Murdock was gone. The Defiant never came for him. Face felt his knees gave as his world collapsed.


End file.
